Mystic Humorist Gifts

I give up - What do you spy with your third eye?

"You were a schlub in all of your previous lives, too."

'What do you mean, closed due to unforeseen circumstances?'

"Vous voyez quoi pour l'avenir de l'humanité?"

Man asking lady if she cares for him

Madame Olga. Franchised by Mega-Forecasts Inc.

"I've never seen anything quite like this before. There's nothing there...just a blackness...a void."

'No news from the after-world. He must not have gotten there yet.'

"Terrestial or digital?"

'The job was as good as mine. But when they asked where I saw myself in five years, I didn't know.'

"I am enclosing my tax returns for 2002 / 2003, 2003 / 2004 .. "

"Here, quick - pull my finger."

"Here we are."

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

"We bring him gifts of gold, frankincense and mercantile mutual hedge fund options."

Game time.

'You see me coming here every week and paying you fifty dollars...'

'..and one for the pot.'

'Sometimes I scare myself when I realize that I always was and always will be.'

Guru levitates while wife vacuums.

Arresting Adam and Eve

First attempt at the Big Bang

'You will go 3 for 5 tomorrow.'

"And now for the 'piece de resistance!'"

You will go on a trip.

"All I'm saying is, why do we always have to sit on just one side of the table, all bunched up?"

"Snake eyes again!"

'According to your love line, I should be calling a cop right now!'

"It's Him. he wants us to lay off until the Fruit Board has published this year's crop results."

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Excalibur.

'Don't be daft,woman-of course I'm not gonna FRY her!'

Medusa turning everyone in the 'Hard Rock caf�' into rock

'Madam Zelda sees all'

"Would it kill you to put on something nice when I summon you from the dead?"

See, what did I tell you? Next year, bring me your office pool bracket earlier.