Mystical Satirist Gifts

Census Infinity.

Priest's 'To do' list.

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'I don't know which was prettier - the meteor shower or the cascade of flaming space junk.'

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

Free ticket to heaven... details inside

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

The Ten Really Cool Facts

'Even More Disciples'

'You said I should check back with you if I didn't get any better. . .'

"Many of us are worrying, Brother Daniel, that you've become too clothes conscious."

"And the Lord said, 'You know, it takes a ton of money to run a place like this.'"

"Whew! What a day! I just get out of bed and all Hell breaks loose."

"This 'laying up treasures in heaven' thing - Is it some kind of tax dodge or what?"

"He wants us to start calling him 'Head Honcho'."

'Secondhand smoke.'

"We bring him gifts of gold, frankincense and mercantile mutual hedge fund options."

"I'll take new members any way I can get them."

'How long do we have to get in compliance?'

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

"It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full if you have a case."

"Looks like we're in trouble now...he's got four bars on that thing."

'I'm all tired out from creating - let's just use NATURAL selection from now on.'

Shortly after being accepted into John's heart, Jesus lodged in aorta.

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