Mythical Humorist Gifts

"Only 5,000 steps? I thought it would be more than that."

Arresting Adam and Eve

"It's Him. he wants us to lay off until the Fruit Board has published this year's crop results."

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Excalibur.

Even Zeus has had to comply with health and safety regulations.

'Don't be daft,woman-of course I'm not gonna FRY her!'

'I think it's just a tax loss fiddle.'

Medusa turning everyone in the 'Hard Rock caf�' into rock

"I expect it's called paradise because there's no mother-in-law here."

"We bring him gifts of gold, frankincense and mercantile mutual hedge fund options."

"No Officer, but they will all make lovely trouser belts, shoes, or handbags."

"And now for the 'piece de resistance!'"

God with a hammer

"Here we are."

"I said slime."

A bird plays the flute to a cat.

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

"Wait, has thou brought snacks?"

Adam and Eve, as old people.

'Sheep striptease'.

Game time.

'You see me coming here every week and paying you fifty dollars...'

'..and one for the pot.'

'See? Tantor like Jane -- he want Jane give belly rub!'

Snowman Tattoo

'Sometimes I scare myself when I realize that I always was and always will be.'

Park cleaner orders leaf to come down.

Factory Recall Unicorn.

Guru levitates while wife vacuums.

"You said a moment ago that everybody you look at seems to be a rabbit. Now just what do you mean by that, Mrs. Sprague?"

'Hey, can I have your frequent flier points?'

'Wow...you must have had a really bad day, eh, mate?'

'You will go 3 for 5 tomorrow.'

'He says its a subprime fruit we can have at an adjustable rate, what's the worst that could happen?'

"All I'm saying is, why do we always have to sit on just one side of the table, all bunched up?"