Movie Awards Season Gifts

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

Showbiz Awards

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

"We need to make it through at least one movie, so we have something to root for during the Oscars."

Movie Awards. Winner. It's been a big night for Ernie! He won three times at the movie-set caterer awards! On one set he made a healthy, refreshing beverage that received rave reviews from the cast and crew. He won the "best pitcher" award for it. Did they say he won for best costumes? No, his dressings won. His sticky buns won also. For "best leading roll" performance, right? No, for best "cinnamontography"!

"OK, stop me if you've never heard this before!"

Movie Awards. That movie always comes alone and never stays for the after-party. It's an independent film.

"Not fair! Being really into movies is my thing!"

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

"It's touching, actually, to see white dudes fumble around for a few last moments in the spotlight."

'Nine national treasures in one film! Start writing your Oscar speech, darling.'

'And the Award goes to...Ewww...him?'

"Hello. I'm director Bob ('Blue Fires') Munsey and this is screenwriter Doris ('Highway to Nowhere') Winslow."

"Ladies and gentlemen, I simply can't believe that I've won this award. I keep wanting to pinch myself."

'...well you say you're Stephen Hawking but as Eddie Redmayne said he was going to turn up in character we're not too sure."

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."

Giving an Oscar to an animal actor would put the academy awards into context.

"I would like to thank all the big and little and in between people."

Oscars 2024

Renee Zellweger as Judy Garland

"And the award for Best Product Placement in a Domestic or Foreign Film goes to..."

"Did you know that the average mainstream news portal devotes more space to the oscar in a day than to climate change coverage in the entire year?"

"Dear diary...Well at least I'm not having to watch the Oscars."

May I have the envelope, please?

"I'd like to thank my mum..."

Oscars

"I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."

'And the winner of the 'biggest loser in love' category is...'

The Academy began to regret awarding the Oscar to Destructo.

"The idiots don't realise that flying in a private jet is meant to be IRONIC!"