Movie Awards Season Gifts

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

Showbiz Awards

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

"We need to make it through at least one movie, so we have something to root for during the Oscars."

"OK, stop me if you've never heard this before!"

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

"Not fair! Being really into movies is my thing!"

"Hello. I'm director Bob ('Blue Fires') Munsey and this is screenwriter Doris ('Highway to Nowhere') Winslow."

'And the Award goes to...Ewww...him?'

"It's touching, actually, to see white dudes fumble around for a few last moments in the spotlight."

"Ladies and gentlemen, I simply can't believe that I've won this award. I keep wanting to pinch myself."

"I would like to thank all the big and little and in between people."

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."

"Did you know that the average mainstream news portal devotes more space to the oscar in a day than to climate change coverage in the entire year?"

Oscars 2024

"And the award for Best Product Placement in a Domestic or Foreign Film goes to..."

May I have the envelope, please?

"I'd like to thank my mum..."

"I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."

"The idiots don't realise that flying in a private jet is meant to be IRONIC!"

'And the winner of the 'biggest loser in love' category is...'

Oscars

"If it weren't for the Botox, right now I'd be so sharing your enthusiasm."