Oscars Gifts

"This should be interesting. . . they're giving an acting award for best political lie. . ."

"I'm very proud. Someone I've been stalking has been nominated for an Academy Award."

"OK, stop me if you've never heard this before!"

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

An angler catching an academy award

The slap

Will Smith's Oscar

Oscars

"Dear diary...Well at least I'm not having to watch the Oscars."

"And the Oscar for best wardrobe in a film based on a 17th century picaresque novel goes to..."

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

"And the award for the best interruption of an oscar speech goes to...The woodwinds."

'And the Oscar for best picture goes to . . . nobody!! They were all crap this year!'

The Oscars - Sick Bucket

May I have the envelope, please?

The Academy began to regret awarding the Oscar to Destructo.

'Nine national treasures in one film! Start writing your Oscar speech, darling.'

Oscars 2024

"And the award for Best Product Placement in a Domestic or Foreign Film goes to..."

"Did you know that the average mainstream news portal devotes more space to the oscar in a day than to climate change coverage in the entire year?"

"We need to make it through at least one movie, so we have something to root for during the Oscars."

"Not fair! Being really into movies is my thing!"

"It's Oscar time - there's that special tingle in the air."

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

Movie Awards. Winner. It's been a big night for Ernie! He won three times at the movie-set caterer awards! On one set he made a healthy, refreshing beverage that received rave reviews from the cast and crew. He won the "best pitcher" award for it. Did they say he won for best costumes? No, his dressings won. His sticky buns won also. For "best leading roll" performance, right? No, for best "cinnamontography"!

Movie Awards. That movie always comes alone and never stays for the after-party. It's an independent film.

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

'And the Award goes to...Ewww...him?'

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."

You're on, caller. What's your problem?! The Oscars were so very, very boring. You decided to sit in front of your tv for four hours watching rich people give themselves awards. YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE ENTERTAINED, LOSER! They're coming out with a new show called "Watching Celebrities Cash Their Checks." You'd probably enjoy that. Get professionally berated at asksadie@rudypark.com.

'...well you say you're Stephen Hawking but as Eddie Redmayne said he was going to turn up in character we're not too sure."

Giving an Oscar to an animal actor would put the academy awards into context.