Oscars Fan Gifts

Ellen Page

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Showbiz Awards

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

'...And now, the film most criticized for eroding traditional family values, the nominees are...'

Movie Awards. Winner. It's been a big night for Ernie! He won three times at the movie-set caterer awards! On one set he made a healthy, refreshing beverage that received rave reviews from the cast and crew. He won the "best pitcher" award for it. Did they say he won for best costumes? No, his dressings won. His sticky buns won also. For "best leading roll" performance, right? No, for best "cinnamontography"!

"We need to make it through at least one movie, so we have something to root for during the Oscars."

"OK, stop me if you've never heard this before!"

"Not fair! Being really into movies is my thing!"

Tom Hanks

'Nine national treasures in one film! Start writing your Oscar speech, darling.'

Jungle Games

"Ladies and gentlemen, I simply can't believe that I've won this award. I keep wanting to pinch myself."

You're on, caller. What's your problem?! The Oscars were so very, very boring. You decided to sit in front of your tv for four hours watching rich people give themselves awards. YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE ENTERTAINED, LOSER! They're coming out with a new show called "Watching Celebrities Cash Their Checks." You'd probably enjoy that. Get professionally berated at asksadie@rudypark.com.

"Dear diary...Well at least I'm not having to watch the Oscars."

"Did you know that the average mainstream news portal devotes more space to the oscar in a day than to climate change coverage in the entire year?"

May I have the envelope, please?

"And the award for Best Product Placement in a Domestic or Foreign Film goes to..."

Oscars 2024

"I'd like to thank my mum..."

Oscars

Djargo.

Actors getting married. 'Best supporting man'

The Academy began to regret awarding the Oscar to Destructo.

'And the winner of the 'biggest loser in love' category is...'

"First, I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."

"I want to thank all the little people."

"This should be interesting. . . they're giving an acting award for best political lie. . ."

"Technically, it's not a crime, but it still feels wrong."

Will Smith's Oscar

"And the award for the best interruption of an oscar speech goes to...The woodwinds."

'And now the award for the best product placement in a motion picture...'