Film Awards Gifts

On the red carpet

"Technically, it's not a crime, but it still feels wrong."

"And now, the award for 'Best Movie about a bunch of really stupid guys'...."

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

"Bond James, Bond."

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Benedict Cumberbatch

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

Herman Mankiewicz

'R2-D2 is not in. Please leave a message after the beep-wheep-zip-booop ...'

'And this year's 'Inquisitive Learner Award' goes to...'

"You should be sniffed, and often, by someone who knows how."

Horror movies

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

No-Work Orange

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

"For the last time stupid, you're tin man, you are not by any leap of the imagination, anything like Iron Man!"

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

Leslie Caron.

"Now Playing: One of those Jane Austen movies."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

Comedy Cafe

'This should be perfect. The main characters fall in love during a series of explosions.'

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

Stand-up Romcom

Godzillla eating people using telephone poles as chopsticks.

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

"It turns out that if you give a hundred monkeys a hundred typewriters, eventually they'll turn out the work of Tarantino."

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"Bloody hell!"

'Did you watch the horror movie?'