Academy Awards Gifts

Oscars 2024

The Academy began to regret awarding the Oscar to Destructo.

Renee Zellweger as Judy Garland

"Ya know, 'DUH' can be a very hurtful word."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

Ethics exam cheater.

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

'Never mind inspiration. I need background material on atomic physics.'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Eternal Student.

Postgraduates A group of posts on their way to class.

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The Science of Love

"I had all the right answers, but I had them in the wrong order."

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

'And this year's 'Inquisitive Learner Award' goes to...'

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

'It's all original research. I had no assistance when I looked it up on Wikipedia.'

Molecules You Ought to be Aware of.

Continuing education.

Yearbook

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

Professor Wiles grows insufferable.

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

"Ah, ha! The universe IS expanding! I can't find my glasses anywhere!"

Calculation Board - You Are Here

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

Now showing, at a University near you...

'I trust these equations settle the argument, Professor Lang. It's your round.'

'So what are you studying, young man?'

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

"You know what happens when you make good grades? They send you to another school called college."

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."