Award Show Season Gifts

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

"We need to make it through at least one movie, so we have something to root for during the Oscars."

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

'...And now, the film most criticized for eroding traditional family values, the nominees are...'

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

"Hello. I'm director Bob ('Blue Fires') Munsey and this is screenwriter Doris ('Highway to Nowhere') Winslow."

'And the Award goes to...Ewww...him?'

"It's touching, actually, to see white dudes fumble around for a few last moments in the spotlight."

"Ladies and gentlemen, I simply can't believe that I've won this award. I keep wanting to pinch myself."

May I have the envelope, please?

"And the award for Best Product Placement in a Domestic or Foreign Film goes to..."

Barbie Oscars

Oscars acceptance speech.

"The idiots don't realise that flying in a private jet is meant to be IRONIC!"

Djargo.

Actors getting married. 'Best supporting man'

Oscars

'And the winner of the 'biggest loser in love' category is...'

"If it weren't for the Botox, right now I'd be so sharing your enthusiasm."

"This should be interesting. . . they're giving an acting award for best political lie. . ."

Man reads from card at awards ceremony: 'And the award for Best Actress goes to ...'

"Nominations for best skinny mad white dude goes to..."

Will Smith's Oscar

"I think I just won Best Director!"