Award Season Gifts

BAFTA/Oscar lack of diversity

'And the Award goes to...Ewww...him?'

May I have the envelope, please?

Will Smith's Oscar

"...And finally, a mention has to go to the producers,directors and presenters who worked alongside us to make this award possible."

"For the best picture having not won anything, thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Dress code at the Grammys.

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

"First, I'd like to thank the Academy."

Academy Awards

"There is a new category this year: overacting. The nominees are..."

"And the award for Best Product Placement in a Domestic or Foreign Film goes to..."

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

Win - win

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

"We need to make it through at least one movie, so we have something to root for during the Oscars."

"OK, stop me if you've never heard this before!"

"Not fair! Being really into movies is my thing!"

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

"Hello. I'm director Bob ('Blue Fires') Munsey and this is screenwriter Doris ('Highway to Nowhere') Winslow."

"It's touching, actually, to see white dudes fumble around for a few last moments in the spotlight."

'And now I'd like to name this month's recipient of the Dumbest Global E-mail Award...'

"Ladies and gentlemen, I simply can't believe that I've won this award. I keep wanting to pinch myself."

Oscars 2024

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

"Did you know that the average mainstream news portal devotes more space to the oscar in a day than to climate change coverage in the entire year?"

"I would like to thank all the big and little and in between people."

"I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."

'And the winner of the 'biggest loser in love' category is...'

Teacher of the Year: "Accepting for Susan Curtis is her clinical psychologist."

Oscars