Hollywood Award Season Gifts

"Hello. I'm director Bob ('Blue Fires') Munsey and this is screenwriter Doris ('Highway to Nowhere') Winslow."

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

King Kong uses fly spray against the pesky planes on top of the Empire State Building

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

Marilyn Monroe - Spot the Difference

Canadian film production

'Hey, Charlie, have we got good news for you!'

'...And now, the film most criticized for eroding traditional family values, the nominees are...'

"We need to make it through at least one movie, so we have something to root for during the Oscars."

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

Enterpe, Terpsichore, Calliope, and Bernie, their agent.

"OK, stop me if you've never heard this before!"

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

"Not fair! Being really into movies is my thing!"

Tom Hanks

"Which part are you reading for?"

"It's touching, actually, to see white dudes fumble around for a few last moments in the spotlight."

Los Angeles, 1928: Mickey Mouse Emerges from the Primordial Ooze.

'And the Award goes to...Ewww...him?'

'Vital mission - movie parody'

'Harlow, why can't you be passionate like Mel Gibson?'

Blockbuster Billion Club