Award Season Devotee Gifts

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Showbiz Awards

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

'Guess what? I won again.'

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

"It's touching, actually, to see white dudes fumble around for a few last moments in the spotlight."

'And the Award goes to...Ewww...him?'

Soccer coach of the year.

'We had to donwsize.'

'We're looking for an award-winning sales professional. Those are trophies. You're overqualified.'

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."

And this one i got for properly polishing my medals.

"And the award for Best Product Placement in a Domestic or Foreign Film goes to..."

Barbie Oscars

May I have the envelope, please?

"...and I'd like to thank all my patients for being so ill..."

Oscars acceptance speech.

Hospital Deaths - "Congratulations, you're manager of the month again"

"I'd like to thank my mum..."

'For donating half my property to the poor, I'll get the 'Unselfish Millionaire of the Year' medal and a supporting receipt for my allowable expenses!'

"We don�t do awards ceremonies up here actually"

"The idiots don't realise that flying in a private jet is meant to be IRONIC!"

"Here's my idea. . . we offer Trump the Nobel Peace Prize as a quid pro quo for leaving office."

Norman E-Mailer

'Introducing one of our top salesmen despite his old age. . .'

"...and this one is for the Spritzer Beer account."