Motivational Misfit Gifts

"I'm pretty sure the definition leadership is the use of anger to motivate those who are already miserable."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"I got super baked in the shire and accidentally recruited these four little weirdos for the most important mission of all time."

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

"You'd think he hated music by the way he tortures it."

'Excuse me, I'm going to talk on the cellphone while pretending you're not here.'

"This is the murder weapon the defendant used, your honor, and these are the tunes he butchered in cold blood."

"Stress is often associated with feelings of 'isolation'...It's really important that you see yourself as valued, as useful!"

'If this is 'Office Team Day' why are we wearing different colours?'

"Don't worry, I'm a doctor."

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

'I hereby sentence you to three years of piano lessons.'

"No, I've got nothing constructive to add. But I do know a funny joke I could tell."

"But aside from the lycanthropy, things have been pretty O.K."

"O.K., I'm off to do some running and off-key singing."

'My body is a temple. A temple full of fat people.'

'Your medical coverage does not consider that a medical necessity.'

Tone Deaf and Can't Read Music - Please Give.

Dating site - buy a dog.

He's my vaguely familiar.

"Of course at this point, the egg salad went bad in the sandwich machine."

"Ah, Reid. You obviously didn't get my, 'you're fired' text."

"If music be the food of love, shut up."

"So now I guess I'll have to meet your friends."

All's well that ends well

"How is the new hearing aid?"

"I don't think this guy is even remotely capable of getting a clue."

"My goodness, Mr. Merryweather, we certainly did make a boo-boo with that prescription of yours!"

'That was absolutely HORRIBLE! When can you start?'

"Why don't you take up a sport,son-like long distance running-away from home...?"

"he was a computer error of the Computer Dating Service"

"Those are good, but the fire department doesn’t really need a sketch artist."

'It's a case of wrongful arrest - you haven't had a heart attack.'

'Stop calling us monsters already. We're comfort eaters!'