Corporate Misfit Gifts

'I don't fit where I belong.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"I got super baked in the shire and accidentally recruited these four little weirdos for the most important mission of all time."

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

"You'd think he hated music by the way he tortures it."

'The school. My counselor told me to make the most of it...'

'Excuse me, I'm going to talk on the cellphone while pretending you're not here.'

"This is the murder weapon the defendant used, your honor, and these are the tunes he butchered in cold blood."

"Don't worry, I'm a doctor."

"Just the galoshes and coat, Timmy."

'Dinner in tumble dryer - gone to see therapist!'

'I hereby sentence you to three years of piano lessons.'

"No, I've got nothing constructive to add. But I do know a funny joke I could tell."

Tone Deaf and Can't Read Music - Please Give.

'Your medical coverage does not consider that a medical necessity.'

'I'm sorry, but I just don't think you're cut out to sell real estate.'

"I'm pretty sure the definition leadership is the use of anger to motivate those who are already miserable."

"Ah, Reid. You obviously didn't get my, 'you're fired' text."

"Of course at this point, the egg salad went bad in the sandwich machine."

"May I be candid, Hogarth? I should have thought a shrimp girl would make a more appropriate subject than a girl shrimp."

He's my vaguely familiar.

"If music be the food of love, shut up."

"I don't think this guy is even remotely capable of getting a clue."

"How is the new hearing aid?"

"My goodness, Mr. Merryweather, we certainly did make a boo-boo with that prescription of yours!"

All's well that ends well

'That was absolutely HORRIBLE! When can you start?'

'I was demoted and they're making me wear this hair shirt.'

"I mean, why even live in the city if you're not going to do New York City things?"

'It's a case of wrongful arrest - you haven't had a heart attack.'

How about listening to music to help you exercise? Ok. I'll make you a playlist. Who do you like? Bach. Wow, nana. You are so hip! I haven't even heard him yet. He's an indie rocker, right? Very indie!

"Those are good, but the fire department doesn’t really need a sketch artist."

'Okay, so we went over the top with it, but our PR team said it would generate a lot of buzz.'