Morning Chaos Fan Gifts

'Wakey,wakey - we don't want to be late for Relate!'

"I don't care how good he is. Ain't nobody can get a short on Jeffrey."

Non-Drip ?

'Did you get the hard copy from Mr. Dawson?'

Tired Barbie

Mayhem, Inc. Part 15

Big Newspaper Delivery

'I didn't have time to prepare a resume.'

'How many blummin' shades of black ARE there?'

I see the Boris moon arising. . .

'You see, you don't really need a cigarette to wake up in the morning.'

'I'm sorry we put bearnaise sauce on your fillet by mistake. Randy will have it off there in a jiffy.'

'You got him here before the tardy bell, Mrs. Bates, but I'm not sure he's prepared to learn.'

'We admire your industriousness, Ken, but you're flooding Human Resources again!'

"It was a mistake to let the children chose their own instruments for the new music class...I have eleven cymbals, and Billy Fitzgerald chose the bagpipes!"

'You'd better clear out some rooms, nurse. He jumped off a bridge, and all his friends are behind him.'

“Putty took a wife. Her name was Possums, and she bore him Little Gentleman, Biddy Boo, Savor Tooth, Fluffy, Harry Cat, and Cesar. Then Little Gentleman begat Little Gentleman II and Friday and Tinkle Toes and Possum Tail and…”

"I knew it was a mistake to get Katie Price in for a book signing."

"One day, son, all this will be....Never mind."

"Captain, this Brie is totally out of control!"

'Bill's alarm clocks were going off early today.'

A severe case of getting up on the wrong side of bed...

Hot trends on the school run. . .

Wind-up Radio

"The trouble with teaching music is everyone is dancing to a different tune."

Three-Martini Breakfast

"Slow down! You're toasting your Blackberry and talking into a Pop Tart."

"I don't care what you say. It's not Christmas until I see the first fist fight at Walmart."

Park: Sorry Full.

Hello, you have reached the Johnsons. All of our family members are currently busy sharing the events of their day. Please continue to hold, and the next available 4-year-old will be with you shortly. Machines Programmed for Telemarketers.

"Close the door woman! There's a weasel outbreak!"

"Buttered side down! Happy days!

Just a sec...

Milkman on Early Morning Round

"Look at it this way, Herb....at least the paperboy didn't throw it on the roof this time!"