Chaotic Mornings Fan Gifts

'I didn't have time to prepare a resume.'

Computer Room.

"I don't care how good he is. Ain't nobody can get a short on Jeffrey."

'Did you get the hard copy from Mr. Dawson?'

"So last Christmas it was those Cabbage Patch Kids."

"Are you sure you want to see the kitchen? The chef is naked."

Mayhem, Inc. Part 15

Big Newspaper Delivery

'How many blummin' shades of black ARE there?'

I see the Boris moon arising. . .

'You see, you don't really need a cigarette to wake up in the morning.'

Incorrect weather forecasts.

"You get one every time you order something online."

'We admire your industriousness, Ken, but you're flooding Human Resources again!'

'Try rebooting.'

"I knew it was a mistake to get Katie Price in for a book signing."

'Run for your lives, it's a twistie!'

"I'm glas my dad made me mow the lawn. I found 2 phones, 6 phone chargers and a headset in the grass."

“Putty took a wife. Her name was Possums, and she bore him Little Gentleman, Biddy Boo, Savor Tooth, Fluffy, Harry Cat, and Cesar. Then Little Gentleman begat Little Gentleman II and Friday and Tinkle Toes and Possum Tail and…”

"Oh my god- the salad's on fire!"

Bruce's Building - Doug's Demolition

Mother has strait jacket on son to control him at super market.

'Bill's alarm clocks were going off early today.'

A severe case of getting up on the wrong side of bed...

Three-Martini Breakfast

"Slow down! You're toasting your Blackberry and talking into a Pop Tart."

'How could I have known that the nozzle on my hair spray can would stick open?'

"Close the door woman! There's a weasel outbreak!"

'Did you wake up late this morning, Sally?'

'Wakey,wakey - we don't want to be late for Relate!'

"Buttered side down! Happy days!

Just a sec...

Thanks again and I'm really sorry about the tree. I thought it was a giant piece of broccoli.

"I only have six screws left."

"Look at it this way, Herb....at least the paperboy didn't throw it on the roof this time!"