Chaotic Family Life Fan Gifts

Mother has strait jacket on son to control him at super market.

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

The Family Joules: Part 16

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

Family with pets.

"I need to know who started it."

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

"I thought it would be nice if we had a forum where we could get together and have screaming tantrums."

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'

"I couldn't possibly lick another baby right now."

A child as a pet substitute.

"Nothing else in my room can spin on the floor like a bottle."

'We're playing I'm a mummy with lots of different daddies!'

"Could you please downgrade this to a C? High expectations bring out the worst in my parents."

'How do you know I won't shrink if I didn't come with a washing instructions tag?'

'Hey, Mom, here comes Frankie's tailor!'

'Dad won't buy me a puppy, so I'm teaching him to bark!'

George Washington's sister was always getting him into trouble.

"I fell in the mud again. Maybe I need a stunt double."

'So, you're an organ-grinder's monkey? A professional beggar? Is that how you intend to support my daughter?'

'It may not be your feng shui, but it's my feng shui.'

'Actually, they're pretty nice, once they settle down.'

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

'You are right, honey, it's raining too much. It's not the best day to visit my mom.'

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

"We need to have a serious talk."

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

Couple with lots of kids. Woman says: 'This is our daughter, my son from my first marriage, John's daughter from his second marriage, and I've no idea who the one on the end is.'

'It's OK to take your work home with you. It's not OK to bring your home to work with you.'