Family Chaos Enthusiasts Gifts

"Family vacation is an oxymoron."

'Separate vacations - four of 'em!'

'No more kids, Steve -- I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.'

"Honey have you seen my phone? I can't find it anywhere...I swear I left it on the coffee table but now it's gone..."

The Family Joules: Part 16

"No, Ethan, you can't ride 'shotgun'. Sarah, stop kicking your brother."

That's not what I meant when I said play with your baby brother!

'You were the one who said you'd like him to bring some of his friends home. . .'

'My sales training was right. The person in the highest chair is dominant.'

'Hey, Mom, here comes Frankie's tailor!'

'It looks like your mom haven't found her prescription glasses yet...'

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

"Darling, can you pass me the salt and the pepper spray?"

"Oh Oh . . . Looks like our five o'clock wake up call is here!"

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

"I need to know who started it."

Family with pets.

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

Excess Baggage: In the old days folks called 2 weeks with 4 kids in a non-air conditioned car a vacation.

'No, that wasn't your mother calling to ask if you were okay. That was your mother calling to ask if I was okay.'

"I couldn't possibly lick another baby right now."

'How do you know I won't shrink if I didn't come with a washing instructions tag?'

"I fell in the mud again. Maybe I need a stunt double."

'Dad won't buy me a puppy, so I'm teaching him to bark!'

'It may not be your feng shui, but it's my feng shui.'

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

"I figure we can blue-screen the kids in later."

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

'Let's get this party started!'

You can't focus on the cost of raising a child. True. They do have benefits. Mom! The glue spilled into your underwear drawer! Dad! Where's the toilet plunger? Though nothing specific leaps to mind.

"Sergio, I think you've done a great job raising the children."

'How many kids do you actually have?'

Baby with a full diaper 'Load Rage'

Coping during the 6 weeks school holidays.