Family Chaos Fan Gifts

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

"Kids burn things-if you don't like it, don't go out."

Family with pets.

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

The Family Joules: Part 16

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

"I need to know who started it."

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

Excess Baggage: In the old days folks called 2 weeks with 4 kids in a non-air conditioned car a vacation.

"I couldn't possibly lick another baby right now."

'How do you know I won't shrink if I didn't come with a washing instructions tag?'

'Dad won't buy me a puppy, so I'm teaching him to bark!'

'Hey, Mom, here comes Frankie's tailor!'

"I fell in the mud again. Maybe I need a stunt double."

"She just asked me if she could have a few friends in to watch the International Horse Show."

'It may not be your feng shui, but it's my feng shui.'

'Actually, they're pretty nice, once they settle down.'

'It wasn't premeditated.

The sofa freshly made up...

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

"I figure we can blue-screen the kids in later."

'It's OK to take your work home with you. It's not OK to bring your home to work with you.'

Don't you yell at him, he couldn't remember where he buried you!

'Let's get this party started!'

'My sales training was right. The person in the highest chair is dominant.'

"Sergio, I think you've done a great job raising the children."

'How many kids do you actually have?'

Coping during the 6 weeks school holidays.

"Normally things don't get me down. But lately, just getting out of bed has been difficult."

'Found her. Keeping her.'

Reason #149 for making sure the whole family wears seat belts: It helps keep the kids quiet.