Family Chaos Appreciator Gifts

"Good News, Hon. They defunded Planned Parenthood.

"I just made your Mother's Day card so the glue might not be dry."

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

The Family Joules: Part 16

Family with pets.

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

"I need to know who started it."

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

"I thought it would be nice if we had a forum where we could get together and have screaming tantrums."

Excess Baggage: In the old days folks called 2 weeks with 4 kids in a non-air conditioned car a vacation.

"I couldn't possibly lick another baby right now."

'How do you know I won't shrink if I didn't come with a washing instructions tag?'

"She just asked me if she could have a few friends in to watch the International Horse Show."

'Hey, Mom, here comes Frankie's tailor!'

'Dad won't buy me a puppy, so I'm teaching him to bark!'

"I fell in the mud again. Maybe I need a stunt double."

'It may not be your feng shui, but it's my feng shui.'

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

'Actually, they're pretty nice, once they settle down.'

The sofa freshly made up...

"I figure we can blue-screen the kids in later."

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

'It wasn't premeditated.

Don't you yell at him, he couldn't remember where he buried you!

'Let's get this party started!'

"Sergio, I think you've done a great job raising the children."

'My sales training was right. The person in the highest chair is dominant.'

You can't focus on the cost of raising a child. True. They do have benefits. Mom! The glue spilled into your underwear drawer! Dad! Where's the toilet plunger? Though nothing specific leaps to mind.

'How many kids do you actually have?'

Reason #149 for making sure the whole family wears seat belts: It helps keep the kids quiet.

Coping during the 6 weeks school holidays.

'Found her. Keeping her.'

"Normally things don't get me down. But lately, just getting out of bed has been difficult."