Family Chaos Appreciator Pillows

"I just made your Mother's Day card so the glue might not be dry."

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

Family with pets.

"I need to know who started it."

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

"I thought it would be nice if we had a forum where we could get together and have screaming tantrums."

Excess Baggage: In the old days folks called 2 weeks with 4 kids in a non-air conditioned car a vacation.

"I couldn't possibly lick another baby right now."

'How do you know I won't shrink if I didn't come with a washing instructions tag?'

"I fell in the mud again. Maybe I need a stunt double."

"She just asked me if she could have a few friends in to watch the International Horse Show."

'Hey, Mom, here comes Frankie's tailor!'

'Dad won't buy me a puppy, so I'm teaching him to bark!'

'It may not be your feng shui, but it's my feng shui.'

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

'Actually, they're pretty nice, once they settle down.'

"I figure we can blue-screen the kids in later."

'It wasn't premeditated.

The sofa freshly made up...

Don't you yell at him, he couldn't remember where he buried you!

'Let's get this party started!'

"Sergio, I think you've done a great job raising the children."

'My sales training was right. The person in the highest chair is dominant.'

'How many kids do you actually have?'

Coping during the 6 weeks school holidays.

'Found her. Keeping her.'

"Normally things don't get me down. But lately, just getting out of bed has been difficult."

Reason #149 for making sure the whole family wears seat belts: It helps keep the kids quiet.

'Separate vacations - four of 'em!'

'Don't track mud in the house! 'IT'S NOT MUD! IT'S DOG POO!'