Family Chaos Enjoyer Pillows

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

Mother and son crying.

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

Family with pets.

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

"I need to know who started it."

Excess Baggage: In the old days folks called 2 weeks with 4 kids in a non-air conditioned car a vacation.

'No, that wasn't your mother calling to ask if you were okay. That was your mother calling to ask if I was okay.'

"I couldn't possibly lick another baby right now."

"I fell in the mud again. Maybe I need a stunt double."

'Hey, Mom, here comes Frankie's tailor!'

Two children play with a pedal bin

'Dad won't buy me a puppy, so I'm teaching him to bark!'

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

"I figure we can blue-screen the kids in later."

'My sales training was right. The person in the highest chair is dominant.'

'How many kids do you actually have?'

Baby with a full diaper 'Load Rage'

'When did you get a ceiling fan?'

'Found her. Keeping her.'

"Normally things don't get me down. But lately, just getting out of bed has been difficult."

'Separate vacations - four of 'em!'

"Honey have you seen my phone? I can't find it anywhere...I swear I left it on the coffee table but now it's gone..."

'You were the one who said you'd like him to bring some of his friends home. . .'

Puppy school vs. kitten school

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Housekeeping - No. II

"Family vacation is an oxymoron."

'We need another refrigerator, Mom.'

'No more kids, Steve -- I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.'

These colours haven't just run. They've sprinted!

'Surprise!'

Nerve-racking Chanukah moments

"I'm glas my dad made me mow the lawn. I found 2 phones, 6 phone chargers and a headset in the grass."