Family Chaos Fan Pillows

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

"Kids burn things-if you don't like it, don't go out."

Family with pets.

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

"I need to know who started it."

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

Excess Baggage: In the old days folks called 2 weeks with 4 kids in a non-air conditioned car a vacation.

"I couldn't possibly lick another baby right now."

'How do you know I won't shrink if I didn't come with a washing instructions tag?'

'Dad won't buy me a puppy, so I'm teaching him to bark!'

'Hey, Mom, here comes Frankie's tailor!'

"She just asked me if she could have a few friends in to watch the International Horse Show."

"I fell in the mud again. Maybe I need a stunt double."

'It may not be your feng shui, but it's my feng shui.'

'Actually, they're pretty nice, once they settle down.'

The sofa freshly made up...

'It wasn't premeditated.

"I figure we can blue-screen the kids in later."

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

'It's OK to take your work home with you. It's not OK to bring your home to work with you.'

Don't you yell at him, he couldn't remember where he buried you!

'Let's get this party started!'

"Sergio, I think you've done a great job raising the children."

'My sales training was right. The person in the highest chair is dominant.'

'How many kids do you actually have?'

"Normally things don't get me down. But lately, just getting out of bed has been difficult."

When a teen finds out his parents are volunteering in the youth group.

Reason #149 for making sure the whole family wears seat belts: It helps keep the kids quiet.

Coping during the 6 weeks school holidays.

'Found her. Keeping her.'

'Separate vacations - four of 'em!'