Family Chaos Heroes Gifts

'Let's get this party started!'

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

The Family Joules: Part 16

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

Family with pets.

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

"I need to know who started it."

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

Excess Baggage: In the old days folks called 2 weeks with 4 kids in a non-air conditioned car a vacation.

"I couldn't possibly lick another baby right now."

'How do you know I won't shrink if I didn't come with a washing instructions tag?'

"I fell in the mud again. Maybe I need a stunt double."

"She just asked me if she could have a few friends in to watch the International Horse Show."

'Dad won't buy me a puppy, so I'm teaching him to bark!'

'Hey, Mom, here comes Frankie's tailor!'

'It may not be your feng shui, but it's my feng shui.'

'Actually, they're pretty nice, once they settle down.'

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

'It wasn't premeditated.

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

The sofa freshly made up...

"I figure we can blue-screen the kids in later."

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

Couple with lots of kids. Woman says: 'This is our daughter, my son from my first marriage, John's daughter from his second marriage, and I've no idea who the one on the end is.'

'It's OK to take your work home with you. It's not OK to bring your home to work with you.'

Don't you yell at him, he couldn't remember where he buried you!

"Sergio, I think you've done a great job raising the children."

You can't focus on the cost of raising a child. True. They do have benefits. Mom! The glue spilled into your underwear drawer! Dad! Where's the toilet plunger? Though nothing specific leaps to mind.

'My sales training was right. The person in the highest chair is dominant.'

'How many kids do you actually have?'

Just your average family holiday portrait.

Coping during the 6 weeks school holidays.

'Found her. Keeping her.'