Master Of Family Chaos Gifts

"I figure we can blue-screen the kids in later."

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

The Family Joules: Part 16

Family with pets.

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

"I need to know who started it."

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

Excess Baggage: In the old days folks called 2 weeks with 4 kids in a non-air conditioned car a vacation.

"I couldn't possibly lick another baby right now."

"She just asked me if she could have a few friends in to watch the International Horse Show."

'Hey, Mom, here comes Frankie's tailor!'

"I fell in the mud again. Maybe I need a stunt double."

'Dad won't buy me a puppy, so I'm teaching him to bark!'

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

'Actually, they're pretty nice, once they settle down.'

The sofa freshly made up...

'It wasn't premeditated.

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

Couple with lots of kids. Woman says: 'This is our daughter, my son from my first marriage, John's daughter from his second marriage, and I've no idea who the one on the end is.'

Don't you yell at him, he couldn't remember where he buried you!

'It's OK to take your work home with you. It's not OK to bring your home to work with you.'

'Let's get this party started!'

'My sales training was right. The person in the highest chair is dominant.'

'How many kids do you actually have?'

Just your average family holiday portrait.

'Found her. Keeping her.'

"Normally things don't get me down. But lately, just getting out of bed has been difficult."

'Separate vacations - four of 'em!'

'Don't track mud in the house! 'IT'S NOT MUD! IT'S DOG POO!'

"Honey have you seen my phone? I can't find it anywhere...I swear I left it on the coffee table but now it's gone..."

'You were the one who said you'd like him to bring some of his friends home. . .'