Master Of Family Chaos Pillows

"I figure we can blue-screen the kids in later."

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

Family with pets.

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

"I need to know who started it."

Excess Baggage: In the old days folks called 2 weeks with 4 kids in a non-air conditioned car a vacation.

"I couldn't possibly lick another baby right now."

"I fell in the mud again. Maybe I need a stunt double."

'Hey, Mom, here comes Frankie's tailor!'

'Dad won't buy me a puppy, so I'm teaching him to bark!'

"She just asked me if she could have a few friends in to watch the International Horse Show."

'Actually, they're pretty nice, once they settle down.'

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

'It wasn't premeditated.

The sofa freshly made up...

Couple with lots of kids. Woman says: 'This is our daughter, my son from my first marriage, John's daughter from his second marriage, and I've no idea who the one on the end is.'

'It's OK to take your work home with you. It's not OK to bring your home to work with you.'

Don't you yell at him, he couldn't remember where he buried you!

'Let's get this party started!'

'My sales training was right. The person in the highest chair is dominant.'

'How many kids do you actually have?'

Just your average family holiday portrait.

"Normally things don't get me down. But lately, just getting out of bed has been difficult."

'Found her. Keeping her.'

'Separate vacations - four of 'em!'

'Don't track mud in the house! 'IT'S NOT MUD! IT'S DOG POO!'

"Honey have you seen my phone? I can't find it anywhere...I swear I left it on the coffee table but now it's gone..."

'You were the one who said you'd like him to bring some of his friends home. . .'

"Mom is pretty certain I'm on my third guardian angel by now."