Family Chaos Manager Gifts

'It's OK to take your work home with you. It's not OK to bring your home to work with you.'

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

'I work from home - we have Kick Your Children Out of the House Day.'

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

"I seem to have developed a high pitched noise in my ears!"

"Yes I do have to track mud into the house . . . it's my job!"

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

"Maureen Alsop is leaving her magnolia, and her delphinium and her cats with us this weekend."

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

Family with pets.

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

"I need to know who started it."

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

'Hey, everyone! I think I found the bottleneck!'

"I couldn't possibly lick another baby right now."

'You'll find there's no middle ground with Kirk Knoland.'

'I suppose an explanation is in order?'

"Hold on a second, Bob. I'm putting you on a stickie."

'How do you know I won't shrink if I didn't come with a washing instructions tag?'

'We've moved some fussy people, but she tops it!'

"Funny, I don't remember signing up for this."

"She just asked me if she could have a few friends in to watch the International Horse Show."

Stockwell's day

Caution: use only under child supervison

"I fell in the mud again. Maybe I need a stunt double."

'Dad won't buy me a puppy, so I'm teaching him to bark!'

'Hey, Mom, here comes Frankie's tailor!'

'Anthony! And all over my new carpet! Bad cat! Bad cat!'

"I'm making a list of everything we have to do before we go away so we can freak out in some kind of order."

'It may not be your feng shui, but it's my feng shui.'

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

'Actually, they're pretty nice, once they settle down.'

The sofa freshly made up...