Family Chaos Coordinator Gifts

'Some days I curse that IVF treatment.'

'Don't track mud in the house! 'IT'S NOT MUD! IT'S DOG POO!'

Don't you yell at him, he couldn't remember where he buried you!

The sofa freshly made up...

'It wasn't premeditated.

"She just asked me if she could have a few friends in to watch the International Horse Show."

'You think little brothers are a nuisance? Try one with a drone.'

'Take it from someone with experience. . . you can't go throwing tantrums until you've at least tossed a few.'

"Mom is pretty certain I'm on my third guardian angel by now."

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

The Baby Walker

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

'From six to to eighteen, they're always at that age.'

"Well, isn't that embarrassing."

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

"Quick, start the car!"

"The meeting will come to order."

Sounds that various toys make when they are vacuumed up.

Here and There Trays

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

A Communal Breakfast for the Young

"Guys, can you use your Mommy-doesn't-want-to-know-I-exist voices?"

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

'Hey Einstein, how about converting some of your mass into energy and getting this place cleaned up?'

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

"Force quit! Force quit! Force quit!!"

"Don't tell me... you hired a professional decorator!"

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

The Family Joules: Part 16

'You'll soon get the hang of it - then they'll change it.'

A Highlander Chasing Dogs with a Knife and a Broom.

Mayhem, Inc. Part 29

'Great Therapy!'