Family Chaos Specialist Gifts

'How many times have I asked you not to slam that door?'

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

The Family Joules: Part 16

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

"I need to know who started it."

"I couldn't possibly lick another baby right now."

'How do you know I won't shrink if I didn't come with a washing instructions tag?'

"I fell in the mud again. Maybe I need a stunt double."

'Hey, Mom, here comes Frankie's tailor!'

"She just asked me if she could have a few friends in to watch the International Horse Show."

'Dad won't buy me a puppy, so I'm teaching him to bark!'

'It may not be your feng shui, but it's my feng shui.'

'Actually, they're pretty nice, once they settle down.'

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

'It wasn't premeditated.

"I figure we can blue-screen the kids in later."

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

The sofa freshly made up...

Don't you yell at him, he couldn't remember where he buried you!

'It's OK to take your work home with you. It's not OK to bring your home to work with you.'

'Let's get this party started!'

"Sergio, I think you've done a great job raising the children."

'My sales training was right. The person in the highest chair is dominant.'

You can't focus on the cost of raising a child. True. They do have benefits. Mom! The glue spilled into your underwear drawer! Dad! Where's the toilet plunger? Though nothing specific leaps to mind.

'How many kids do you actually have?'

Reason #149 for making sure the whole family wears seat belts: It helps keep the kids quiet.

"Normally things don't get me down. But lately, just getting out of bed has been difficult."

Coping during the 6 weeks school holidays.

'Found her. Keeping her.'

'Separate vacations - four of 'em!'