Family Chaos Specialist Gifts

'How many times have I asked you not to slam that door?'

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

"I need to know who started it."

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

"I couldn't possibly lick another baby right now."

'How do you know I won't shrink if I didn't come with a washing instructions tag?'

'Hey, Mom, here comes Frankie's tailor!'

'Dad won't buy me a puppy, so I'm teaching him to bark!'

"I fell in the mud again. Maybe I need a stunt double."

"She just asked me if she could have a few friends in to watch the International Horse Show."

'It may not be your feng shui, but it's my feng shui.'

'Actually, they're pretty nice, once they settle down.'

'It wasn't premeditated.

The sofa freshly made up...

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

"I figure we can blue-screen the kids in later."

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

'It's OK to take your work home with you. It's not OK to bring your home to work with you.'

Don't you yell at him, he couldn't remember where he buried you!

'Let's get this party started!'

'My sales training was right. The person in the highest chair is dominant.'

"Sergio, I think you've done a great job raising the children."

'How many kids do you actually have?'

'Found her. Keeping her.'

Reason #149 for making sure the whole family wears seat belts: It helps keep the kids quiet.

Coping during the 6 weeks school holidays.

"Normally things don't get me down. But lately, just getting out of bed has been difficult."

'Separate vacations - four of 'em!'

'Don't track mud in the house! 'IT'S NOT MUD! IT'S DOG POO!'