Family Chaos Captain Gifts

'Actually, they're pretty nice, once they settle down.'

'Do you think Doctor could see him soon, I have the dinner to prepare.'

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

Family with pets.

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

"I need to know who started it."

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

Excess Baggage: In the old days folks called 2 weeks with 4 kids in a non-air conditioned car a vacation.

"I couldn't possibly lick another baby right now."

'How do you know I won't shrink if I didn't come with a washing instructions tag?'

'Hey, Mom, here comes Frankie's tailor!'

"I fell in the mud again. Maybe I need a stunt double."

'Dad won't buy me a puppy, so I'm teaching him to bark!'

"Cat park"

Woman as a beacon and guide of the family

"She just asked me if she could have a few friends in to watch the International Horse Show."

'It may not be your feng shui, but it's my feng shui.'

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

The sofa freshly made up...

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

"I figure we can blue-screen the kids in later."

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

'It wasn't premeditated.

'It's OK to take your work home with you. It's not OK to bring your home to work with you.'

Don't you yell at him, he couldn't remember where he buried you!

'Let's get this party started!'

'My sales training was right. The person in the highest chair is dominant.'

"Sergio, I think you've done a great job raising the children."

'How many kids do you actually have?'

Just your average family holiday portrait.

Coping during the 6 weeks school holidays.