Family Chaos Captain Gifts

'Actually, they're pretty nice, once they settle down.'

'Do you think Doctor could see him soon, I have the dinner to prepare.'

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

The Family Joules: Part 16

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

"I need to know who started it."

Family with pets.

Excess Baggage: In the old days folks called 2 weeks with 4 kids in a non-air conditioned car a vacation.

"I couldn't possibly lick another baby right now."

'How do you know I won't shrink if I didn't come with a washing instructions tag?'

"Cat park"

"I fell in the mud again. Maybe I need a stunt double."

"She just asked me if she could have a few friends in to watch the International Horse Show."

'Hey, Mom, here comes Frankie's tailor!'

Woman as a beacon and guide of the family

'Dad won't buy me a puppy, so I'm teaching him to bark!'

'It may not be your feng shui, but it's my feng shui.'

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

"I figure we can blue-screen the kids in later."

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

The sofa freshly made up...

'It wasn't premeditated.

'It's OK to take your work home with you. It's not OK to bring your home to work with you.'

Don't you yell at him, he couldn't remember where he buried you!

'Let's get this party started!'

'My sales training was right. The person in the highest chair is dominant.'

"Sergio, I think you've done a great job raising the children."

You can't focus on the cost of raising a child. True. They do have benefits. Mom! The glue spilled into your underwear drawer! Dad! Where's the toilet plunger? Though nothing specific leaps to mind.

'How many kids do you actually have?'