Chaotic Family Life Fan Pillows

Mother has strait jacket on son to control him at super market.

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

"I need to know who started it."

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

Family with pets.

"I thought it would be nice if we had a forum where we could get together and have screaming tantrums."

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'

A child as a pet substitute.

"I couldn't possibly lick another baby right now."

"Nothing else in my room can spin on the floor like a bottle."

'We're playing I'm a mummy with lots of different daddies!'

"Could you please downgrade this to a C? High expectations bring out the worst in my parents."

'How do you know I won't shrink if I didn't come with a washing instructions tag?'

"I fell in the mud again. Maybe I need a stunt double."

George Washington's sister was always getting him into trouble.

'Hey, Mom, here comes Frankie's tailor!'

'Dad won't buy me a puppy, so I'm teaching him to bark!'

'So, you're an organ-grinder's monkey? A professional beggar? Is that how you intend to support my daughter?'

'It may not be your feng shui, but it's my feng shui.'

'Actually, they're pretty nice, once they settle down.'

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

'You are right, honey, it's raining too much. It's not the best day to visit my mom.'

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

"We need to have a serious talk."

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

Couple with lots of kids. Woman says: 'This is our daughter, my son from my first marriage, John's daughter from his second marriage, and I've no idea who the one on the end is.'

'It's OK to take your work home with you. It's not OK to bring your home to work with you.'

'Let's get this party started!'