Modern Life Embracers Pillows

Top Ten New Year's Resolutions

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

The most fabulous Gran in the world.

Ultra-lazy sloth

"When Harold first said he identified as a balloon animal I thought it was just a phase, but here we are fifteen years later and it seems to be working."

Some of us are calm on the surface but paddling like crazy underneath, and some of us are just the opposite.

"My new year resolutions were to continue eating, drinking, smoking and gambling...and I've stuck to all of them!"

'He's doing it again.'

"I hope I'm single for Valentine's because only I fully know my worth in chocolate."

"Hang on - I've got an app for this. . ."

Fortune teller predicts a bigger family for worried parents.

'I know you're going to inherit the throne from your father, but I want you to go to medical school just in case.'

Grandpa cheats death, puts in a pool.

Man rummaging through a TV set throwing out bits of paper

"Teacher believes in performance-enhancing hugs."

"You know, honestly I see it as half full."

New Normal

"I see a couple of chairs over there by the naked guy working on his laptop."

Let It All Hang Out In Celebration. . .

Coronavirus 100k Deaths

"Do we look like we filed electronically?"

This Is Your Life

'Hurray! I'm a baby!'

'Congratulations, your days of avoiding the real world are finally over.'

"She's been seeing a very good grief counselor."

"We live here. We just dress this way to fit in."

'I'm putting you on a forced exercise program of walking. Hand over your driver's license!'

'Oh s**t, I've been offered a job!'

Welsh Dragon

"You have my pet and I have my pet!"

Are you ever worried people will see all the stuff you put online? Not at all … because I don't put anything online. I'm not on Facebook, I'm not on Twitter, and I conduct all my business in person so they can be charmed by the twinkle in my mustache. You are looking at a man who's totally off the grid, little buddy. It's like talking to a Neanderthal. I also shave with a razor-sharp sliver of granite my grandfather bequeathed unto me.

Organised Crime / Disorganised Crime

"Before you take me away I just want to update my profile picture."

Gone were the days of emotional restraint.

It gets easier.