Single Life Embracer Pillows

"I hope I'm single for Valentine's because only I fully know my worth in chocolate."

"Tell me again, Grandpa, about how you let your freak flag fly."

The most fabulous Gran in the world.

Ultra-lazy sloth

"I enjoy the one day of the school year...that I didn't forget to do my homework."

Top Ten New Year's Resolutions

"Spring is definitely here! Which means yard work is not far behind...."

Congratulations!

"I don't remember him or the meal or what movie we saw. All I remember is I wore the right jeans."

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

"Hang on - I've got an app for this. . ."

'And now for the (Yawn!) morning report....'

Grandpa cheats death, puts in a pool.

"A Clif Bar wrapper? That's why you dragged me up here?!"

'Oh, Harold...How can I face our family and friends knowing you're a crossdresser?!'

"I almost had a 'I need a man' moment last night....but then I managed to get the cork out of the wine bottle myself."

Let It All Hang Out In Celebration. . .

"It's true, of course, that I'm just a machine, but I do have a built-in vibrator."

"I see a couple of chairs over there by the naked guy working on his laptop."

At least you didn't marry him.

'Congratulations, your days of avoiding the real world are finally over.'

"She's been seeing a very good grief counselor."

"We live here. We just dress this way to fit in."

'I'm putting you on a forced exercise program of walking. Hand over your driver's license!'

"Before you take me away I just want to update my profile picture."

Speed dating

"Fred and Sarah, Helen and Joe, Carol and Andy, this is Marcia and nobody."

The PERFECTLY HAPPY BEING ALONE BOAT

"Ouch! I still can't get the hang of this new technology!"

It gets easier.

'While my friends all smuggle up with their husbands and children, I receive thanks for another doomed relationship.'

"I'm afraid that if I fell in love I'd lose my competitive edge."