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Top Ten New Year's Resolutions

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

The most fabulous Gran in the world.

Ultra-lazy sloth

"When Harold first said he identified as a balloon animal I thought it was just a phase, but here we are fifteen years later and it seems to be working."

"My new year resolutions were to continue eating, drinking, smoking and gambling...and I've stuck to all of them!"

'He's doing it again.'

"Hang on - I've got an app for this. . ."

Fortune teller predicts a bigger family for worried parents.

"I hope I'm single for Valentine's because only I fully know my worth in chocolate."

'I know you're going to inherit the throne from your father, but I want you to go to medical school just in case.'

Grandpa cheats death, puts in a pool.

Man rummaging through a TV set throwing out bits of paper

"Teacher believes in performance-enhancing hugs."

"You know, honestly I see it as half full."

New Normal

Coronavirus 100k Deaths

This Is Your Life

"Do we look like we filed electronically?"

Let It All Hang Out In Celebration. . .

"I see a couple of chairs over there by the naked guy working on his laptop."

'Hurray! I'm a baby!'

'Congratulations, your days of avoiding the real world are finally over.'

"She's been seeing a very good grief counselor."

"We live here. We just dress this way to fit in."

'I'm putting you on a forced exercise program of walking. Hand over your driver's license!'

Welsh Dragon

'Oh s**t, I've been offered a job!'

Organised Crime / Disorganised Crime

"You have my pet and I have my pet!"

"Before you take me away I just want to update my profile picture."

Gone were the days of emotional restraint.

It gets easier.

"Okay, you're right! It's impossible to repack sardines!"