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The most fabulous Gran in the world.

Ultra-lazy sloth

Top Ten New Year's Resolutions

"You had me at alternative milk."

Businessman at the deep end.

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

"My new year resolutions were to continue eating, drinking, smoking and gambling...and I've stuck to all of them!"

'He's doing it again.'

Fortune teller predicts a bigger family for worried parents.

"We tried healthy birthday treats. That lasted about a week."

"I hope I'm single for Valentine's because only I fully know my worth in chocolate."

Starting is the scariest part.

Grandpa cheats death, puts in a pool.

Man rummaging through a TV set throwing out bits of paper

"YOLO, baby. YOLO."

Fear and Uncertainty

At least you didn't marry him.

"I see a couple of chairs over there by the naked guy working on his laptop."

We are 50 going on 15...

'Oh Lordy...another bad day at Black Rock dear?'

Salman Rushdie

'Hurray! I'm a baby!'

"If you aren't adverse to risk, I can put you in an attractive Ponzi scheme."

Let It All Hang Out In Celebration. . .

"Do we look like we filed electronically?"

'Congratulations, your days of avoiding the real world are finally over.'

"She's been seeing a very good grief counselor."

'The gardener in him sold out to the nature-conservationist.'

"We live here. We just dress this way to fit in."

'I don't have a problem with you spending $1,500 on golf clubs, so you shouldn't complain about my spending $100,000 on a sports car.'

'I'm putting you on a forced exercise program of walking. Hand over your driver's license!'

Organised Crime / Disorganised Crime

"Get a grip doctor, without death surgery would have no meaning."