Modern Life Complexities Gifts

"I finally memorized my bug number."

'Do you remember when our time away from the office was our time...'

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"Would you like to keep eighty-seven tabs open?"

#Whyneighborsdon'tknowtheirneighbors

'I can't wait 'til hunting is googling and gathering is calling out for delivery.'

Crap from the future.

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

Super Strength, Impervious to Bullets And Explosions

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"Here's something called "The Fifty Greatest Countdown Shows Ever!""

"Nature speaks to me of God’s presence, yet God is a total stranger to the restless world of men." "Why the #!@* is there no signal?!"

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

The prophet who changed water into diet grapefruit soda.

"Did you get my tweet?"

"If there were really a God, trees would come with outlets and wifi hubs."

Weird things I do because of the internet

The Modern Novel.

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

"Will follow you on social media for food."

Work Slave

The Evolution Of Man.

"Freshly ground pepper?"

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

'Thanks for the book, dad. Now I can reach my computer!'

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

i-teddy

"I didn't say my prayers, but I e-mailed God earlier."

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

Fur Baby

'This is suppose to be progress.'