Modern Life Complexities Pillows

"I finally memorized my bug number."

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"Would you like to keep eighty-seven tabs open?"

#Whyneighborsdon'tknowtheirneighbors

Crap from the future.

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"If there were really a God, trees would come with outlets and wifi hubs."

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

"Here's something called "The Fifty Greatest Countdown Shows Ever!""

The prophet who changed water into diet grapefruit soda.

Weird things I do because of the internet

"Nature speaks to me of God’s presence, yet God is a total stranger to the restless world of men." "Why the #!@* is there no signal?!"

"Did you get my tweet?"

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

Super Strength, Impervious to Bullets And Explosions

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

Work Slave

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

The Evolution Of Man.

"Freshly ground pepper?"

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

'Thanks for the book, dad. Now I can reach my computer!'

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

Fur Baby

"I didn't say my prayers, but I e-mailed God earlier."

'This is suppose to be progress.'

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

i-teddy

Tunnel of TV