Reflection On Modern Life Pillows

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

"My online account predicts the things I should own, then buys them with my credit card. It�s very convenient, but I do now need to move to a larger house."

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"Would you like to keep eighty-seven tabs open?"

#Whyneighborsdon'tknowtheirneighbors

Crap from the future.

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

The prophet who changed water into diet grapefruit soda.

"Nature speaks to me of God’s presence, yet God is a total stranger to the restless world of men." "Why the #!@* is there no signal?!"

"Listen to this: 'Technology reduces the time we spend on a given task, but increases the number of tasks we're expected to do.' Sounds like a no-win situation to me!"

"Here's something called "The Fifty Greatest Countdown Shows Ever!""

Super Strength, Impervious to Bullets And Explosions

Weird things I do because of the internet

"Did you get my tweet?"

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

'Hurray for indoor plumbing!'

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"You haven't enjoyed the Yule log till you've enjoyed it in high def."

'Thanks for the book, dad. Now I can reach my computer!'

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

Tunnel of TV

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

Fur Baby

'This is suppose to be progress.'

"I didn't say my prayers, but I e-mailed God earlier."