Modern Gift Hunter Pillows

"I remember when Christmas shopping made my feet hurt!"

'What do you do with the time you save?'

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

'All I want for Valentine's Day is a Greek fisherman's cap.'

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

'No, I didn't know it was hunting season - why do you ask?'

'What kind of filling would you like?'

"They certainly are jolly creatures aren't they?"

"What if the cat stuck in the tree has a gun? Is that an emergency?"

Happy Bifurcation Day,

"I'll fill it with Play Doh and no one will ever know the difference."

Football heads...

Kid Hints To Santa That He Wants A Bicycle For Christmas

'My whole life, I've felt like I've been running from something...'

The polar bear's vending machine.

"I have to cancel our plans. I feel a headache coming on."

"The reason you're not popular is...well...you smell like shark repellant."

One of a kind.

"Yeah, I'm out on bail: The judge laughed when he said I was not a flight risk..."

Rainy day despondency phobia: 'Poor George can't stand the pitter-patter of rain on his shell.'

Cavewoman knitting with wool from mammoth

Pavlov's Dog at Christmas time...

Vendo Tree.

"Money or your beard!"

'Mail order? You said all the toys were hand-made!'

"Save the thong. I'd like to floss afterwards."

Toilet Tissue Typist.

"Now be honest, does it make me look younger?"

Feed & Grain. Credit Cards and E-Payments Only. Being a cash cow is tougher than it used to be.

'I remember my pin but I've forgotten my signature!'

Unsuccessful Christmas novelty items. Blitzen on a Kitten. Angel on a Bagel. Frosty on a coffee. Claus on your Bras.

"But I actually wanted something specific...!"

'Yeah, I tried 'Open Sesame' ... then I just went at it with a backhoe.'

Hamster Wheel/Hamster Wall of Death.

"That was easy. My Easter Bunny app has an egg-seeking GPS."