Gift Hunting Pillows

'I couldn't find this on EBay ... so it's up to you.'

'What do you do with the time you save?'

'Santa recalled thousands of toys ― he delivered them to kids who're in fact naughty.'

"As you can see, I've alphabetized the items, presents owing if you will, so if you can digitally initial here, here, here, here and here and sign there. Thank you. See you December 24."

Christmas Tree

'All I want for Valentine's Day is a Greek fisherman's cap.'

"From the gentleman at the end of the barre."

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

'They're dog roses!'

"I'd like a partridge in a pear tree, 2 turtle doves, 3 French hens, 4 calling birds and 7 swans a swimming."

Say it with flowers

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

'You got anything that says I put some thought into this gift?'

"Gift"

Santa in the Sky: Happy Holidays!

'No sharing gifts! You get the Teddy Bear, he gets the bone.'

T-Rex Game of Choice - Ping Pong

'What kind of filling would you like?'

Love.

"Shouldn't have, you really."

"They certainly are jolly creatures aren't they?"

"I hate it..."

"What if the cat stuck in the tree has a gun? Is that an emergency?"

Holiday Sales: The Starting Line

Valentines Balloons

'So, that's where the blue water comes from!'

'Take five Harry, I'm going on ahead to scout for sales'

'I'm huggable!'

"A cactus! Darling, you're such a romantic..."

'I don't need to know what it is when it's on sale.'

"Honey, I love celebrating Christmas! I love all the food, the sweets, the Christmas tree and the presents, but our bank account hates Christmas!"

"Got any cards saying friendship is priceless under 5 bucks?"

"I'll fill it with Play Doh and no one will ever know the difference."

Football heads...