Gift Seeker Pillows

"I'm looking for something for my husband. What goes with fast food?"

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

'What do you do with the time you save?'

God putting the finishing touches to the Pug.

'All I want for Valentine's Day is a Greek fisherman's cap.'

All bets are off as Round One begins in the "Dollars versus Donuts" World Championship title fight.

Ball as water-melon.

'We are entering an era of thrift, so in place of champagne and canapes, there will be a jumble sale.'

That's supposed to say garage sale!

King Kongs first christmas

A watch face with Stonehenge

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

'No, I didn't know it was hunting season - why do you ask?'

"I'm on a tight budget. Make it look like I cut at myself."

Where Deviled Eggs come from

Customer entering bank that is touting number of toasters given away

T-Rex Game of Choice - Ping Pong

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

Three card brag - I'm great! I'm really handsome & I'm very rich.

CEO.

"What if the cat stuck in the tree has a gun? Is that an emergency?"

"Roadkill cookies"

Santa's Helpers

"Pass that."

Happy Bifurcation Day,

International House of Excrement

Regifts of the Magi

"I'm not going to do any work...cos it's my birthday!"

'...You're just not built to take selfies.'

'If you're out and about today don't forget the pith helmet.'

"I've been really craving Italian food for months now. Can you grab me two kilos of rigatoni, three kilos of fettuccini, and a bigger shell? The one I have is feeling a bit too tight lately."

'Buy two pounds and I'll throw in the sword.'

Kid Hints To Santa That He Wants A Bicycle For Christmas

Notorious gangsters, Bunny and Clyde.