Modern Clergyman Gifts

'The reading is from my brand new mobile phone.'

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"...until death do you a favor."

Cleric with bible briefcase.

'I've got two tickets to Handel's Messiah -- What time do you get off work?'

"Freshly ground pepper?"

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

'As I recall you were the one who told him that he couldn't take it with him.'

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

'The good stuff is here, under the counter.'

Vicar wearing sunglasses.

"I'm going on a retreat."

"Today's sermon will be followed immediately by a rebuttal from the opposition."

"Thank you. It wasn't too 'preachy', was it?"

'On the other hand, you must never, ever work in mysterious ways.'

Religious Maintenance: 24 Hr Callout.

SERMONS 'R' US - everything for the clergy.

"My name's God, and I approve this message."

"Many of us are worrying, Brother Daniel, that you've become too clothes conscious."

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

"And on the fourth day god finished the work that he had done and he rested. . ."

"Having completed the formation of the earth, on the seventh day the Lord rested. Then, on the eighth day, the Lord said, 'Let there be problems.' And there were problems."

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

Todays Sermon: 'Can our entitlements be saved?'

Employees must cleanse souls before returning to work.

The Old Enemies - Catholics and Protestants

Regular Sermons - Fire & Brimstone Sermons

"Patience, you can have it back in a minute..."

Religion & Economics.

"Well, I do and I don’t. Sometimes he can be quite irritating."

"Bless me father for I have allegedly sinned."

Fisherman: 'HOLY MACKEREL!'

Royalty, Episcopacy, and Law.

Two men in T-shirts, one shirt says Jesus loves me, the other Jesus loves me more.