Clergyman Gifts

'Mr Bagley, I'm afraid there's rather more to being a bishop than having your own hat.'

"We will now observe a moment of silently checking our BlackBerrys."

True Humility - Curate's Egg.

"Today's sermon will be followed immediately by a rebuttal from the opposition."

"Sometimes I wonder if we haven't carried ecumenism a bit too far."

"Having completed the formation of the earth, on the seventh day the Lord rested. Then, on the eighth day, the Lord said, 'Let there be problems.' And there were problems."

'My doctor advised me to exercise religiously.'

"Please select hymn number 637 on your i-pods."

When Clergymen have those 'round the water cooler' conversations.

"Thank you. It wasn't too 'preachy', was it?"

Todays Sermon: 'Can our entitlements be saved?'

"And I was most disappointed with last sunday's offertory."

Bishop sprinkling holy water on his potted plants.

'As I recall you were the one who told him that he couldn't take it with him.'

Gardener misunderstands the phrase 'forty-love'.

The Old Enemies - Catholics and Protestants

Two boys fishing in a river.

A friar

Footman and groom talk about the rector's weight in horse terms

Religious Fanatic - Good prices paid for books..statues..videos...

"I'm a pastor. My job is to speak 20 minutes on Sunday and listen the rest of the week."

Easter bunny

'It's okay - I'm a PUNK monk.'

'No, I've got plenty of time to talk Brenda. This guy's not going anywhere.'

"You won't believe how many Frisbees are up here!"

Clergyman prays for divine intervention.

'On the other hand, you must never, ever work in mysterious ways.'

Employees must cleanse souls before returning to work.

Our pew in church

'I don't understand. I haven't done anything to encourage them...'

"The trustees feel the Reverend Dr. Clapsattle does not harmonize with the edifice."

"Good sermon, Reverend, but all that God stuff was pretty far-fetched."

"And on the fourth day god finished the work that he had done and he rested. . ."

Mixed My Blessings

"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, pollen to pollen, mold to mold..." "He was allergic to everything."