Misanthropy Enthusiast Gifts

'Misanthropology.'

In Memory of Old Bob Who Loved This Park But Hated People

I HATE STUFF

"Brian and I were destined to be a couple. We both hate everyone else."

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

"I see a pretty lady who looks a lot like you....a very kind lady...and she's adopting what appears to be a box of adorable kittens!"

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"So how much money have you made from your psychic hotline business?"

'I'm sorry, Madam Zola. I'm afraid you no longer have second sight.'

"I expect you all to be team players - except Ted, whom I expect to remain team mascot."

"Did you have a cat?"

'Before we begin, let me see what my fortune cookie says.'

'You will meet a sexy, honest fortune teller who will take all your money!'

'I see a carefree lifestyle by a quiet lake. No, wait, my mistake - looks like I called up the real estate section.'

'Hold it right there, pal! I had a vision that your check is going to bounce, so you can just head right back to your car!'

"I'm afraid your wife gets to say 'I told you so.'"

It had been a good life, filled with passion and joy, tender bonds, and finally one irretrievable error.

'Reeta can tell your fortune from your bank statements.'

Discus accidents.

"We don't do that kind of cattle futures, ma'am. You want Madam Mystic down the street."

'I thought you'd like to know the cat got down from the roof by itself.'

"He had his binoculars back to front!"

'This time last year you told me that I would meet a tall handsome stranger. Now I need his name and address.'

'The crystal reveals you spend your money foolishly. That will be twenty-five dollars, please.

"Wow. That guy on psychic chat line is really good. He told me our next phone bill would be bigger than usual!"

"If you're thinking of evolving, don't bother."

"It's a bit of a scam. They sell the crystal ball at cost, then nail you on the price of replacement psych-ink cartridges."

'Just had to text and ride, didn't you?'

The newspaper that psychics read every morning.

Welcome to Exclamation Point: Scenic Rest Area.

"I'm dating a spiritualist medium..."

"Now then, which life are you on?"

A prediction.