Misanthropy Philosopher Gifts

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

"Feel free to take notes."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

A bear is sat on an armchair with old man slippers.

Canine obidience class: 'He wouldn't budge from the armchair.'

Cat with Lion reflection in mirror

The dangerous world of the armchair thinker

Spot the Difference - God/Uncle Sam

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

"Me? I have a strong urge to devote my life to making the world a better place for all humanity."

The Three Kinds of People

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

"I don't believe in egrets."

'I know I don't look like a matinee idol of yesteryear anymore, but neither do they!'

"Lemme guess: You're struggling with the French press again."

"Mirror, mirror on the wall ... what the heck is up with my hair?"

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

Business man sees himself as a shark

"That's right - 'What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.' You just keep on thinking that..."

"I noticed a few browns."

Warning. Objects in mirror my bear no relation to reality.

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

"Just when I think things couldn’t get any worse, they replace The Lockhorns with Doonesbury!"

"I'm back from Russia. Putin offered me a Dacha to say he's an honest man."

"Before the library cuts I was well-read now I just have ill-informed opinions."

"But now the good guy with a gun has a foot wound."

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

'Just tell me. You don't need to drag that out every time I ask how I look.'