Misanthropic Banter Lover Gifts

Antisocial distancing

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

When Love In The Laboratory Turns Sour.

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

An Archeologic Dig

"Where do you see yourself in five pints time?"

Happy Hour 5-7. (Not really an hour, not really happy.) At last, truth in advertising.

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

Sigh. They never ask me to play.

The Gilmore Girls

Cold caller.

"Why, Mr. Conly, I do believe you're trying to get me hydrated."

When Stupid People Get an Idea

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

"Your Honor, I would like the record to state that Mr. Katzman is a 'hostile witness'."

"I may have bird legs but at least I don't have crow's feet."

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

STILL LIVES - Double Head Match: 'I think we're a match made in heaven.' 'It seems more like the the work of the Devil to me!'

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

"That's okay, I lost my wife years ago. Worst poker hand I ever played."

'Here comes Ted.'

"Tom, we've started a little office pool on how long it'll take me to get your job. Want in?"

"I'll have a Maker's Mark, and she'll have a shot at being the mother she never was."

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

"Some prop-forward he's turned out to be."

'I do hope you enjoy your birthday lie-in, dear.'

"No one is denying that you're smart. For that to happen someone would have to say you're smart."

"Yes, it was good for me - not as good as it was the last time, but probably better than it's going to be the time after this."

'You can't make a wit out of two half wits.'

'Have we met someplace? Yes, that's why I quit going there.'

'Oh, yeah?...Well, no one has to follow me around with a pooper-scooper.'

'So...your shelf or mine?...' (a book in a bar trying a pickup line)

"When we get inside, remember to use your indoor whining and complaining voice."

"But it wouldn't be premarital sex unless we got married."

Albatross bragging about his latest catch...