Misanthropic Banter Lover Pillows

Antisocial distancing

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

An Archeologic Dig

"Where do you see yourself in five pints time?"

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

"Why, Mr. Conly, I do believe you're trying to get me hydrated."

When Stupid People Get an Idea

Cold caller.

The Gilmore Girls

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

"I may have bird legs but at least I don't have crow's feet."

'Here comes Ted.'

"Tom, we've started a little office pool on how long it'll take me to get your job. Want in?"

STILL LIVES - Double Head Match: 'I think we're a match made in heaven.' 'It seems more like the the work of the Devil to me!'

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

"Your Honor, I would like the record to state that Mr. Katzman is a 'hostile witness'."

"I'll have a Maker's Mark, and she'll have a shot at being the mother she never was."

"Some prop-forward he's turned out to be."

"Yes, it was good for me - not as good as it was the last time, but probably better than it's going to be the time after this."

"No one is denying that you're smart. For that to happen someone would have to say you're smart."

'I do hope you enjoy your birthday lie-in, dear.'

'Have we met someplace? Yes, that's why I quit going there.'

'You can't make a wit out of two half wits.'

"When we get inside, remember to use your indoor whining and complaining voice."

'Oh, yeah?...Well, no one has to follow me around with a pooper-scooper.'

"But it wouldn't be premarital sex unless we got married."

'So...your shelf or mine?...' (a book in a bar trying a pickup line)

Albatross bragging about his latest catch...

'How long will it be until he can sit up and take the criticism?'