Misanthrope Enthusiast Gifts

"How can I love my enemies when I don't even like my friends?"

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

',,,But if I do eat them I'll lose my child support, Oh, Alice,divorce is so hard,'

"So it was a performance enhancing drug."

Discus accidents.

"He had his binoculars back to front!"

It had been a good life, filled with passion and joy, tender bonds, and finally one irretrievable error.

'I thought you'd like to know the cat got down from the roof by itself.'

'No, no, I've gone through all the steps in the procedure and I don't see anything about totally immersing yourself in oil before starting the job!!

Drawing board disaster.

"Brian and I were destined to be a couple. We both hate everyone else."

I HATE STUFF

"I count four... and there should be five."

A bag of flour squirts into clown's face.

'Oh look! We must be coming into land at Heathrow.'

Welcome to Exclamation Point: Scenic Rest Area.

Dr Crawford's clich� clinic

'I was let down by the old bouncy castle.'

"Yikes! That's gotta hurt!"

"Sarge, I think I've found the owner of that driverless sleigh discovered up north!"

"I don't like hearing happy stories."

'Move back a little Fred....Fred!?!'

"You're still pulling back too hard on the bowstring"

"Look what they did to her! We should be thankful they only had us spayed."

'Misanthropology.'

In Memory of Old Bob Who Loved This Park But Hated People

"Dear, do you think you may have become too comfortable with your masculinity?"

One man's fishing line passes through other man's ear.

'How many times did I say it? Rex, I said, don't go too close to the cliff.'

Steve used to worry about dirty underwear. Now he has a new hospital fear.

'. . . You're starting an anti-social network. . .'

'Yesterday he invented the wheel, today it rolled over his foot.'

"People extra suck"