Misanthrope Enthusiast Pillows

"How can I love my enemies when I don't even like my friends?"

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

',,,But if I do eat them I'll lose my child support, Oh, Alice,divorce is so hard,'

"So it was a performance enhancing drug."

Discus accidents.

'I thought you'd like to know the cat got down from the roof by itself.'

It had been a good life, filled with passion and joy, tender bonds, and finally one irretrievable error.

"He had his binoculars back to front!"

'No, no, I've gone through all the steps in the procedure and I don't see anything about totally immersing yourself in oil before starting the job!!

"If you're thinking of evolving, don't bother."

Drawing board disaster.

'Just had to text and ride, didn't you?'

'Oh look! We must be coming into land at Heathrow.'

Dr Crawford's clich� clinic

"I count four... and there should be five."

Welcome to Exclamation Point: Scenic Rest Area.

'I was let down by the old bouncy castle.'

A bag of flour squirts into clown's face.

"Brian and I were destined to be a couple. We both hate everyone else."

I HATE STUFF

"Sarge, I think I've found the owner of that driverless sleigh discovered up north!"

"Yikes! That's gotta hurt!"

'Move back a little Fred....Fred!?!'

"You're still pulling back too hard on the bowstring"

"I don't like hearing happy stories."

"Look what they did to her! We should be thankful they only had us spayed."

'Misanthropology.'

In Memory of Old Bob Who Loved This Park But Hated People

"Dear, do you think you may have become too comfortable with your masculinity?"

'How many times did I say it? Rex, I said, don't go too close to the cliff.'

One man's fishing line passes through other man's ear.

"People extra suck"

'. . . You're starting an anti-social network. . .'

'Yesterday he invented the wheel, today it rolled over his foot.'