Misanthrope Sympathizer Pillows

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"Wait, you never wash your cape?"

'And I thought I had a big egg to lay.'

Unwelcome guests can be caught and thrown out...there is no need to kill them.

"The government doesn't understand me."

'Geoffrey's Tourette's is acting up.'

'I warned Harry that he'd have a bad hair day if he got near that leaf blower.'

'I wanted to hear the pita pata of tiny feet so he bought me a hamster.'

"Who the hell keeps doing that?"

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! Oh, it's only you."

"Well, you're not itsy-bitsy to me."

"Brian and I were destined to be a couple. We both hate everyone else."

"I taught him to shake hands, and now he's running for congress!"

I HATE STUFF

"Stop trying to change me!!"

"They have been in a terrible mood these days. You know how painful it is when they start developing legs."

"If you look carefully through this beaker of oil everything looks so much better..."

"What makes him a wine snob? He's been talking about the cork for 45 minutes and he thinks we're still listening."

"It's father, doctor, he's creaking badly."

Man to complaints clerk: 'My dog just died and I think my wife's cheating on me.'

"Apparently they come into houses to find a mate."

Cartoon showing a man wrapped in a web, stuck to a wall. His wife is saying: "What have I told you about antagonising the house spider?"

"Lighten up, pal, it's only a spider!"

'Misanthropology.'

In Memory of Old Bob Who Loved This Park But Hated People

Sorry to hear about your accident.

Innocent Civilians